ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
