Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
vagina is talking i cant
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
