he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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