and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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