so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
