the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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