I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
