god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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