you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
