please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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