Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
