The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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