Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
