I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
