Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
