well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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