Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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