You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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