I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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