his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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