"it" just moved
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
