I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
