I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
