I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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