So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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