You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
