So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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