1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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