i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize