My nipple is on Facebook.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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