so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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