once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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