her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am naked and annoyed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
