A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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