Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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