I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
