Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
