I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
