Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
