We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I want is dick and wine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
