My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
