I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
