Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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