Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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