Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
