I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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