My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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