i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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