so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
