Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
