I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
