I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
