Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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