standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
