Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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