Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
