I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
