Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
