Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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