Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my liver is dry heaving
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
