that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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